TODAY THO

Whenever I have those days where so much happens that I am so filled with joy and general easiness, I think of how my sister Sarah and I would add the perfect verbal whipped cream/ chocolate syrup/ peanuts addition to the Ice Cream Sundae that was our detailed description of the day.

We'd sort of claw out our hands, shrug our shoulders to our ears, widen our eyes, and look at the other and spew the words, "TODAY THO."
[Days like these, I miss her small embraces, her excitement, seeing it on her face, knowing that she was enjoying the moment with me. She still is now, but through ever-other-day phone calls. But It's different when she has to watch me grow from afar. *shrugs*]

I went this afternoon and spent the day with one of my absolute DEAREST friends before she moves off to college in Michigan. We went out to eat and derped around the nearby campus and whatnot. THEN. We stopped in a small cafe on campus, the place I had handed in my resume that morning. We wanted smoothies. So, I saw the manager behind the counter, who wasn't there when I'd originally went by in the morning. I asked him if there were things he could tell me that the girls hadn't.

He said, "Well, I'll tell you your first mistake. Don't hand your resume to other girls. Most girls don't like other girls. But, I'll definitely take a look at it, what's your name?"

Already he was making me laugh with poignant statements. 

We joked. He asked if I added 3 interesting facts.
"I put four!"
*He reads the first aloud*, "You can quote movies like no other, is that so?"
"Yeah, test me." I shrugged.
He looks at the employee, John, and told him to come up with one.

In that moment, EVERY movie quote I ever recited came to mind. I had a very small internal panic attack.
If he quotes a movie I don't know, I'll feel awful. I MUST get this. Use your head Katie. Use your brain. You got this. Come on. Breathe. He's talking. Oh mygod. Listen to him!

John smiles and says, "Alright. 'And in that moment Bubba said something I'll never forget'."

Without skipping a beat. I stuck out my bottom lip and said it JUST like I have cataloged in my memory. 

"Fow'uhst... I  wanna go howm."
They all laughed. I felt cool. Awesome. But, humble and hopeful that my nerdiness actually DID something for me, got me somewhere in life, got me a job. He put my resume in the "Winners' Pile" and I trotted off with the biggest smile and quite an adrenaline rush. I'm hoping and praying, all day err'day. Pining away for that job. It's just what I want. So. Here we go. Movie Quotes help you in life. Lesson learned.

A Lack Of Point.

Sometimes I think about deleting my blog, however you go about doing that. 

I wrote and felt so much in 2 years time that I feel completely different from the person I led you all, whoever you are, to believe. I listen to different music, I know far more things, I went through a few different stages, had experiences, Liked a few different guys, and whatnot. Life goes on. Some of the thinking cogs in my brain work and move the same. But old cogs have been removed or reformed into different. 

There are specific times that I feel so profoundly lonely and insignificant that I want to sob uncontrollably. This might be the result of my big sister (i.e. my best friend) moving 2 states away a few weeks ago. It's the butt-thirty-post-midnight-AM-hours that really get me. I expect her to come rap-tapping on my door, peeking in, only to ask what I was doing. We'd quietly giggle while the parents slept, I would accompany her to the porch at 4am for talks and fresh air. We'd sometimes watch movies or episodes of LOST, HEROES, GoT, or Dr. Who until the late AM of the next day. 

With that gone, and most of my friends being busy or away on vacay, or working their adult jobs... I sit in my pjs and watch countless episodes of shows on my computer. I watch and rewatch Vine videos. I check Instagram far too much for my own good. I tweet. I reblog all. day. long. And I don't feel so bad about it, as I do uncomfortable when Adults ask me what I've been up to with my summer.

Not a damned thing.

Nothing important. I filled my first Moleskine Sketchbook. I finished a journal. I made a few legitimate drawings. I went out of town a few places, only once out of state (soon to be two). I beat Riku in Kingdom Hearts and am close to beating the whole game. I don't wake up until noon or 1 most days, which is perfect; I wake up to the afternoon sun all warm and squishy in my bed.  

Here we go. Senior year. New classes. New people. New responsibilities. Why do I even keep writing this blog? I don't have pictures to show. I don't have a particular reason for writing. Geh.

If you're reading this. Forgive me for the lack of point.

Yourself. In this moment.

Dear Katie,

You've changed a hell of a lot these last few years. Even simply this last year.

But that's okay. It's okay that you get worried. It's okay that you cry more than 'normal people'. It's okay that you're sappy. It's okay that you're adventurous. It's okay that you feel lonely sometimes. It's okay that you spend some days in your PJs watching movies all day. It's okay to eat ice cream for lunch. It's okay to doodle for the hell of it. It's okay that you feel what you feel right now.

You've got one last year of high school before college. You've got a life to live. The future is inevitable. Future ideas are inevitable. You're going to keep living and feeling and going and doing and living. It'll be okay. You'll grow and whatnot.

And it's okay that all of those thoughts are terrifying.

Really, it's okay.
-yourself. in this moment.