In my own bed.

After a surprisingly fast week of teaching children scripture, playing bingo with the elderly, helping out at a soup kitchen, worship services, and the like I was not-so-surprisingly stinky and in pain.

Dad and Carrie picked me up and I slid into the car, immediately I was ready to be home. Just the smell of Dad's soap and the image of him in his seersucker shirt made me ache for home and the comfort thereof.

I got home and saw the new improvements that they had made to the porch since I had been gone; A new awning, some new flowers, and a birdhouse in the back. The warm light trickled onto the porch from the living room window and I rushed inside with the wheels of my suitcase clunking over the wooden panels of the porch flooring. I set my things down as I continued telling stories from the week. Dad had bought 5 tubs of Eddie's Ice Cream that all looked delicious. I spooned out some Triple Chocolate Peanut Butter and squeezed some extra chocolate sauce on top.

We made our way to the living room where we ate our respective ice creams. I continued telling my stories in between bites and finished quickly. I slipped off my chucks that had given me blisters that evening. I then proceeded to slip off my socks. The air became foul. We giggled at my likeness to my father. We're similar- down to foot odor.

When we had finished, I got on Facebook. I didn't really miss anything important. But, there were MANY pictures posted.

The first day, we were assigned to make cards to give to the elderly at the retirement homes that were going to be visited throughout the week. This was my card, and I am so honored that they felt it was good enough to be the 'representative' per-say to show people what we had written in the cards.


I crawled into bed after taking a long shower. It felt nice to be in my own room, surrounded my my own pictures and favorite memories from life-thus-far. I drifted off to sleep and woke up at 1:20 pm the next day.

It was such an amazing week. I'll definitely be doing it again next year.

Pigtails and Chuck Taylors.

I woke up this morning, Bananamow!
I got outta' bed. Bananamow!

I got dressed, snapped my hair into two perfect pigtails, put on a bit of mascara and eyeliner, threw on my favorite pair of shorts- past the fingertips of course, my favorite blue v-neck. and my navy chuck low tops. *sigh* I felt so comfortable in my own skin.

I finished clicking and shoving things into my suitcase then tied a pillowcase together in case things get jostled along the way and I seem to lose the blanket or the sheets that are tucked away in it as well.

I scampered downstairs and looked out the window; gloomy and blue. Promising for rain, 'Lord, please send rain. If not for anything but for the trees to be healthier- for to bring You glory!' I popped in some bread for the toaster, I made a fresh pot of coffee, knowing that I'd need it for my long day ahead. While my food was being prepared, I squished my fanny into a chair with Joey- our cat. He rolled over immediately and gave me that tummy he so loves to be squished and scratched. My toast popped. I played with the butter while buttering my toast, grabbed some coffee in the bright orange mug we have, opened the curtains to let in some natural light, and sat down at the table.

I sniffed in the air; the scent of this home, all of it's subtle nuances. I'd miss them. Even for a mere 5 days, I'll miss them. I'll miss Dad. I'll miss walking outside and talking to him about the sudden new plans he has for the garden or the shrubbery around the house. I'll miss Carrie. I'll miss waking up in the morning to her greetings, "Goo'morning Sunshine!", "Hey honeybuns!", "Hello there sweetheart!". I'll miss Sarah. I'll miss our walks in the evenings, or merely joining her on the porch late at night while she smokes.

I'll miss being home, but I want to see my friends. I want to sing worship songs, I want to read my bible. Granted: NONE of these things NEED to be done OUTSIDE of the house.

Just the same, I'm glad to be doing this. I don't want to use the saying, "I'm anxious to see what the Lord is going to do this week!" Because, He's ALWAYS doing something. He's ALWAYS working in our lives. Just because you go to church camp, it's practically mandatory that you read your bible and give a prayer request here and there, He'll use it because you're most likely listening.

But, one can feel the Holy Spirit at any given time; If you're listening.

I'm not always listening. I know that.
But, here we go: Another time to sing praise to Him for all of His amazing ways and works and affections and graces and kindnesses and sunshine filled morning greetings.

Here we go. I'm kind of really excited.

Surprising Smiles and Blue Skies.

After a conversation with Carrie, I felt quite good. I felt smart and not easily convinced of lies.

I don't need a boyfriend right now, in fact it's silly of me to want one when It's not like they're going to mean anything other than 'Random Teenage Boyfriend' years from now.

I was recently told by several friends how great I am and how jealous of my talents they are. I hadn't been thanking the Lord for my talents lately because I was focusing on my flaws. I was being insecure. I was coveting. I was sinning. I was pretending that it was okay because I wasn't the only person to feel such way.

After riding in the backseat of the car today, looking up into the cloudless blemish-less bright blue sky, I realized that something so simple can be so magnificent and awe inspiring. Later, I looked at the small yellow flowers growing in the yard. I squatted down close to them and brushed a few pieces of dead grass off of them. I smiled at their simple beauty.

I snapped my hair in to a ponytail and had on one of my favorite t-shirts on as I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror. Why do I think I'm fat? Because the world has bred me to feel that way. Why do I think I have ugly hair? Because the people that the media tells us are beautiful have long luxurious curly brown hair. I only want it because I've been told I want it.

I want me. I want shoulder length hair. I want to wear my glasses. I want to have the build that I have. I am lovely. I have pretty eyes. In fact, I was told that I had pretty eyes from someone who didn't feel like they HAD to give me a compliment. My sister recently commented on how 'Bitty' my middle section was, while I was focused on the face that she weighed 15 lbs less than I do.

Today, I looked at myself in the mirror. I wore a cardigan and shorts, a royal blue t-shirt, and my yellow duck slippers. There's nothing wrong with me. Not a thing. I was created to grow up and look this way. The Lord knew me before I even existed. He loved me before he knew me. He loves me and that's the only kind of love I need to feel to survive. I look at the blue sky, the small yellow flowers, the perfectly puffy clouds and know.

He has a different standard of beauty. Be beautiful as if you want to honor the Lord with
 who you are, what you wear, etc. Feel like yourself, yourself in the presence of the people who know you best. The people who love you and think you're beautiful when you're in need of a shower, wearing a tank top and shorts with pale skin and makeup smeared eyes.

Wash it off and they'll still love you. It's like the rain, feel the cold refreshment of peace from The Lord. Feel clean. You are clean.

Honor Him in the knowledge of being clean and loved to the point of having the blessing of seeing a blue sky everyday.

Adoration for Small Things.

 I decided to start an inspiration wall. My sister has 3 of her pieces upon it; just things she's given me for Christmas and the like. I also taped up a portrait I did of my dad, next to one he did of me. (Forgive me for the poor quality photo).

 I added a painting by Leonid Afremov that I quite like and also my previously mentioned Hokusai's Wave painting. I didn't put my peacock painting on that wall, instead I hung it next to my nightstand so that I could look at it more often.

I received a letter from my good friend. I ripped it open as I sipped root beer on the porch this afternoon. It was wonderful and despite the fact that I had seen her that same day, I kind of missed her company.

 I have been completely okay wearing shorts and t-shirts and my bandana for the lest few weeks 1.) because of the weather, 2.) because it's comfortable, and 3.) I can get paint on them if I decide on a whim to sit and paint.

I've been keeping to myself, other than hanging out with Sarah. She and I are like peas in a pod now. It's easier to have an actual conversation with her. Things are way better than they were when she first moved in. *remembers/nods*

My new blanket that I previously mentioned is perfectly knit for me. When I'm cold, I pull it from the bunched pile on my legs and throw the corners around my shoulders, but when I do this, my arms are trapped. So, I just stick my fingers out. It's perfect. I adore it immensely.

The more I live in my room, the more I sincerely love it, the room itself is fantastic and warm and bright and soft. It's me. The more I add pictures and paintings and tiny notes and drawings of robots, I am feeling more at home. Ever since I was little, my dad's office has been a room with bookshelves and desks and computers and sharpies and little creatures that he has collected along his way. Pictures hung everywhere, notes to himself, there were clipped fingernails on the floor, eraser shavings on his desk, always a pair of fingernail clippers near... so many things that make me feel like my room is like my dad's office, but instead of notes to him, or his fingernails; It's all mine.

Porch Time.

After a Friday spent at the park, I drove home with mom. We drove up and saw no car here- as I'd expected.

"Is there anyone home?" She spat.
"Nope." I said grabbing my bag. I could tell she was irritated and tired, so I just got out.
"Well! Do you have your key?"
"Yeah."
*She looks at the sign 'Poop' that my dad had painted and stuck in the yard where there was a pile of poop.*
"WHO DID THAT? Did you paint that!? Why... Why?" She interrogated.
"Dad did. There's poop. He wanted to do something about it." *I shrugged*
"Oh'kay. Love you bye." She got in her car, slammed the door, and drove off without even checking to see if I got inside.


I got inside and looked around. No one was home. Sarah at work and Dad n' Carrie out with friends for dinner. I thought about painting. I thought about taking a bubble bath. I thought about taking a shower. I thought about having a cup of tea and then I remembered that I used up the last Earl Grey tea bag in my tin. I sighed.

I read my sister's blog posts (the one who lives in Minnesota) and felt comforted by the fact that she seems to be doing really well. I miss her. The other day when Luke and Sarah and I went swimming, I missed Danielle's presence. *Sigh* I felt mopey after that. Mopey that I had thought I'd get to spend the evening with mom, only to be spat at about a such a silly thing as a 'Poop' sign. I had used up my last tea bag and had mere Regular Meijer brand tea left in the cabinet. I had only a few chapters left in a book that I was reading and I didn't think that everything that needed to be wrapped up could be wrapped up in a few chapters. I thought that about the Hunger Games (First book)- the way it ended was abrupt and unsatisfying. Maybe this book would have the same feeling in the end.

 

I got 3 books from the library. None of which I was exactly looking for. 'Girlfriend Material' - on the end- was turning out to be enjoyable and unexpected. I haven't started either of the others.

I decided that I'd take my makeup off, put on a different shirt- one that I'd feel more 'Me' in, grab a bandana and tie it around my hair to keep the wispies away in the slight breeze, grab my headphones so that I could listen to music and not bother any passerby, and before any of that, I scrubbed my feet. I had hobbit feet by the end of the 4 hours spent at the park. Dirty. Black. Ew. So, I scrubbed, washed, changed, grabbed, tied, listened, and wrote.

I gave Jess her present today. She seemed to really like it. Her grandpa- the architect who talked architecture with me briefly- even said that it was good. But he asked me, "What did you name it?" I hadn't named it and I felt like an amateur for not naming it.

I'm happy with it. I wish I could keep it, but that's how you judge whether or not it's good enough to give away.

So, I'll finish this post. Finish listening to the song I'm on via Spotify. Then I'll finish my book.

It's too lovely out to be cooped up inside sitting in the stale air conditioning. *sigh*

5 am.

Ever since I was a kid I've been a night owl. I hate mornings. I could invariably stay awake until 5 am each night.


Last night, by the time I did the dishes it was maybe 2 in the morning and Dad was painting a sign for the yard (He just started a blog! ) 
http://danwrightslife.wordpress.com/
and we had planned to paint together. I didn't want to be stuck doing the dishes AFTER I was done painting, so I did them then and missed out on those wonderful crucial nostalgic childhood moments that come when I paint with my dad; 

"Can I borrow the black?"
"Do you need new water?" 
"Where's the tiny brush?"


So, Eventually- around 2:30, he went to bed. I was alone downstairs watching "The Sleepover" (An enjoyably charming asinine teenage movie) while I mixed various purples and blues and greens... It was the perfect feeling. Settling paint in the ways that could easily fix a mistake. When you mess up, you don't erase it or try to wipe it off. You paint over it.
*I'm sure there's some kind of philosophical connection that one could draw.*


I stopped looking at reference pictures, I just painted from memory, from the heart.


It was wonderfully full of adrenaline. My eyes never got tired. When it hit 4:30, I wasn't done and I was in such a high of emotion that I couldn't stop. If I can describe it like this:


Imagine you're listening to an orchestra play Bach and you're siting there in a shaded area with the lights beaming upon the beautifully angelic instruments and all of a sudden, the world seems to slow down. The music swells and you close your eyes and smile that knowing smile. Pure exhilaration. 

I finally finished it and nodded to myself, "Well done lass. It's not bad, not bad at all." 
I closed my laptop, cleaned my mess, left my painting on the table, and trotted up the stairs to go to sleep. 

*I used a reference ONLY for the eyes and the feather configuration, other than that- it was ALL freehand!*

Katie Sue's Warm Yellow Blanket

When I was added new people to my family- because Dad married Carrie, I gained some really fantastic people in my life.

Carrie's mom is wonderful! She's very sweet and bubbly and tells great jokes!

She is also a superb knitter. I know how to knit and have knit things on my own without using patterns, but only the really great knitters can follow patterns and make their stitches look exactly alike. She makes beautiful things.

Carrie has a blanket that she keeps to herself- she uses it when she's in her room studying her Bible, or when she is writing a paper. It's off limits for anyone else to ever use it. One time my Dad took a nap in their room and covered up with her crisp white warm and lovely knitted blanket and she said to him, "Danny, all of my things are yours and I will never hold anything back from you- you can even use my toothbrush. But you CANNOT under ANY circumstances use my blanket. Use your own Honey." He apologized profusely and never used it again.

I asked Carrie's mom- who all the grandkids call 'Nina' instead of Nana or Grandma- if she'd make me a blanket. I don't spend the night with her or go out to lunch with her because she lives so far away, but we are actually quite close. She said "Of course Katie Sue!" My middle name isn't Sue. It's Taylor. But that's what she calls me. She then proceeded to ask me the color and the pattern. I was oblivious. I told her to surprise me, to which she then said that she'd just come get me some weekend and then we'd choose together.

It's been several months since then, It was Thanksgiving when I asked her and she has been so busy when I wasn't that, we never found the time to get together. This evening, she and Bill came up for Mexican. When I trotted down the stairs with my pigtails and pink hoodie on She gave me a big hug and whispered, "I have a present for you." She got it from her car and handed it to me. It was perfect. It smelled like it had sat in the sun for days. It was already warm and soft and squishy. It was absolutely perfect. I wept like a small child. I then proceeded to wrap myself up with this warm yellow blanket and wiggle up to my room. I looks perfect with my bedspread and the color of my walls (and everything else that is yellow in my room...)

*smile*

Randomness and also... summer days thus far.

So far I've had 3 full days of SUMMER. *sigh of relief* Now, a few random pictures!!

- A necklace that my good childhood friend Anna had the sister to. Now it is lost ... *sigh*

Recently, Since I'm officially done with school for the year I've been contemplating ideas about summer. It's only a few months of time that seem to be spent throughout superfluous amounts of video games and general nonsense. (Though I DO indeed love me some video games!)My sister has been so kind as to lend me her camera now and again and it's been rather swell to have something with which to click on in an instant or utter inspiration or general goofiness and click a button to capture a meaningless portrait.

 
- Summer essential. Raspberry Iced Tea. Yum! 

I haven't been contacted about any of the 14 jobs I've applied for, which is weird seeing as though It's the end of a college semester and many of the students are leaving town and thus are leaving their jobs. But hey, *shrug* That's okay. I'll eventually get a regular job and I'll be able to help out with gas money or buy myself something that I will have EARNED on my own.

 - The ONE picture of the Arch that I took that I actually like.

So far this summer, I've spent most of the time with my mother and It's been wonderful. We've done nothing but sit on our butts and watch NCIS. I've picked up a pencil and paper and actually drawn, which was like jumping back into a sea of childhood memories and flourishes of college fantasies flooding my thoughts. My Dad mentioned something about getting an IVY TECH brochure to see if they offer a shop class or a metal workings class. It'd help with my transcripts and scholarship likelihood, plus I'd like to do either, or both. My mom worked construction while I grew up, so I know how to handle a hammer and nails and also- I have self taught knowledge of how to use sinkers when applying screws to the walls to hang things...

-A picture of Nina on the levee drinking her soda before we take off. 

I am inspired in so many different ways to do and make and tell people what I'm making- not for the sake of going fishing for compliments but so that I can show people WHO. I. AM. through my art. That may be terribly cliche that I want people to know me through the ways in which I express myself. *makes vomiting noise* 

-A picture from a few years ago; We paint Easter eggs with Acrylic paint and actually paint them with pictures and not just plain colors... This is the painting "Hokusai's wave"

http://www.ee.umanitoba.ca/~kinsner/cpics/logos/bgwave.jpg

In all honesty, I want to MAKE things this summer. So, if you'd like to come over to my house friends, and make owl earrings, I'll teach you how or merely supply you with sculpy and handy work with the pliers and earring hooks. If you'd like to come over and learn to knit- it's not hard. I'll supply you with the yarn and the needles too! If you want to sit and paint pictures, or draw something, or do nail art.... Just let me know. I'll be doing it on my own, so come and join me- I could use the company. :) 

The Promises Of Summer

I finished school today. 

I did my 50 problem Calc. Final.

 I got A's in ALL my Western Civ. elements of the class and Logic.

I have  B+ in Chemistry, but my final grade has yet to be added on Engrade...

Shakespeare Troupe made me realize how beautiful, smart, witty, and human Shakespeare's writing is.

I made new friends after a summer of being a sad sack...

I  had an absolutely amazing year.

What am I to do this summer? I need to get a job. I've prayed for the job at Starbucks- and if you're the type of person who prays for friends and the little details of their life, I'd appreciate prayers or mere 'good thoughts' sent my way! I need to accumulate the necessary means to 1.) The Cannon EOS HD Rebel T3i camera- (I saw Dani's when we went to St. Louis [Pictures and blog about it later] and it was LOVELY and took breathtaking photos!) 2.) Save for a car- because yeah... it's smart to do that. 3.) Save for a Kings Island trip. 4.) Save for a cellular device, because I'd like to have one...

There are few things I need in life to be happy and I wonder that I will be doing with myself this summer. Perhaps I'll finally pull out my old PS2 and finish playing Kingdom Hearts, Perhaps I'll eternally borrow my sisters camera and document things I do, Maybe I'll read Jane Eyre, The Great Gatsby, and some old Judy Blume books.

I will buy some stamps and write Olivia and Jana, perhaps Tressia. I need to write Jody in Colorado and tell her about my year and the influences of Jesus thereof. SERVE week is in a few after several weekends spent visiting college graduates and going to weddings of beloved friends and teachers. Also, I think I'll take some kind of shop/ metal working class next year at IVY TECH (as well as Calc. to get College credits) as to gain knowledge and skills with the tools and materials so that I know what to do in Architecture school *crosses fingers*...

I know what I will NOT be doing; I WILL NOT be taking summer for granted. I will NOT be sitting in pj's all day in an air conditioned house playing dumb video games or watching terrible chick flicks on my computer. *I write this as Dad and I watch the suspenseful moment in Back To The Future III where Tannon yells, "DRAW!"*

Since school is over for Carrie and I, We will soon be enveloped in the squishy folds of our couch, eating popcorn and drinking Diet Coke, while Gandalf and the Fellowship travel to Mordor to destroy the ring. 

*thinks and smiles*

[How is it that my blog dictionary doesn't have Gandalf or Mordor as correctly spelled/ known words yet!? Blasphemy.... *shakes Head at self stupidity* ]