Grounded,Tabbies, and Feels.

What a 2 weeks it's been...

I've been through ... an ordeal?

Apparently, breaking up with someone affects things. Sometimes I still have that feeling, "I wonder what he's up to at the moment..." and then I get back to whatever I was doing. But, I don't miss it really. I think I miss the distraction.

I don't miss the fact that I was so overly anxious every day that I didn't feel like eating. I don't miss worrying. I don't miss feeling like some version of myself that snuck around and didn't say anything to nearly anyone. I don't like the girl who feels like she has to say certain things or tell certain lies to be 'cooler' or 'sexier'.

NO. I'm not going to be that person. I'm Katie.

These past 2 weeks I was grounded from the internet- except for that needed for school. It made me use my time. Actually USE IT. Instead of stumbling for nearly an hour looking at different ways to get no-heat curls or things to make out of cardboard.... None of it mattered. I was pushing off school work. I wasn't writing letters. I only ever wrote in my journal about my worries regarding my boyfriend and what my parents would think about it all... Other than that. Nothing important happened in my life. Nothing interested me. 

Now, I'm reading books for Western Civ class and am actually writing books worth of notes and filling the pages with sticky notes and tabbies. I'm reading Shakespeare. Speaking of Shakespeare, my Director/ Teacher offered me a major role with 5 solos. I said yes. I'm a dude again. Which I'm okay with.
I knit myself a beanie the other day and loved it. I ripped it out yesterday so that I could re-knit it a little more snug. I drew a self portrait the other day, just laying on my stomach on my bed, listening to Rufus Wainwright and Coldplay, mixed in with some Marina and the Diamonds and Ed Sheeran. It's not amazing, but it's obviously me and I hadn't drawn anything worth while in the longest time. I re-read some books by Ally Carter (Heist Society- I HIGHLY recommend it). I dyed my hair. I constantly painted my nails- to refrain from biting them- the neon/peach "Coral Reef" color. 

Things are really good right now. I can actually smile because I'm happy without worries. I can actually cry because I'm joyous or so full of emotion for a character in a C.S. Lewis story or while watching a movie because I really FEEL it.

I'm feeling things again. Real things. Not stupid teenage-I-wish-I-had-a-boyfriend-things. 
I'm going to keep going.