New Goal...?

*Cue Piano Music* Okay. I'm being completely honest, right here and right now. With books and old letters strewn across my bed, I sigh. I think through my thought one last time. Okay.

I don't want to be one of those typical girls that likes SEVERAL GUYS at once. By 'likes' I mean "Thinks about them all the time, develops romantic feelings for them, and would date them if they had an interest for me". Attraction and 'like-like' are two VERY different things.

This: Attraction. If I am attracted to someone, I usually figure that out quickly if 1.) They make me laugh, 2.) I make them laugh, 3.) They laughing is mutual, or 3.) He has an amazing smile to couple his good sense of humor. Attraction is the FIRST feeling. Sure, I'm attracted by physical features, but it's not necessary that he be absolutely stunning. I have liked 'swamp-hogs' (as my sister puts it) in the past that've had wonderful personalities. I'm not really attracted to the usual 'Hawt Guy'. It's just not my taste. But, I am guilty of being attracted to more than one person. I'm not sure if it's sinful or not, or if I should ask for forgiveness, so I'll just leave that.

This: Love. Loving someone romantically is something that I've never really done. I've had heavy attraction and 'like-like' but never Love. I long for it. Not desperately, but I hope the Lord blesses me with real honest Love. Can I be attracted to more than one person? I guess. I am right now. But, can I 'like-like' more than one person? No. Not honestly. If you 'like-like' someone, you like THEM. And ONLY them. It's one of my biggest pet peeves to hear someone say, "Here are the *# of people* I like... REALLY? *SIGH* No. I'm annoyed at you. Yes.

But, what will my future look like? Who will my first real meaningful kiss be with? My husband? Really? Will I get asked to dance at prom by great guys? Perhaps. But, I'm not sure who I 'like-like'. I shouldn't say anything about liking anyone. Because If I'm honest, I don't like anyone. I'm just sadly attracted to a handful of people.

What a disgrace I am...But, I'm forgiven for my disgrace. So I can let it go.

*Cue Mumford and Sons* I think I'm going to do the dishes and lay my head down to rest it's thoughts. My heart can do the dreaming tonight, just for tonight. Then it's back to reality...